You Expect
by Always-Obsessed66
Summary: Kahlan's journey after a tragic childbirth...


You Expect…

_You expect to hear a cry, but there is silence…_

_You expect her eyes to open, but they stay closed…_

_You expect her to take her first breath, but she is breathless…_

_You expect her to squirm and wiggle, but she lies still…_

_You expect this moment to be happy, but it is sad…_

_You expect to bring her home but she goes elsewhere…_

_You expect hugs and laughter, but there are tears…_

_You expect so much, but little actually comes…_

_You expect a miracle, but none come…_

_You expect it to be a nightmare, but you never wake up…_

_You expect congratulations, but you hear 'I'm sorry'…_

_You expect everything to always be fine, but it never is…_

_You expect a baby, but never get to bring her home…_

**Kahlan**

She couldn't believe it._ After all she had gone through, after everything Richard and her had done to get ready… She was gone…Cold…Lifeless…Her own daughter…Dead…Stillborn…Lost. _

She felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up into her husband's eyes.

"What did I do wrong?" She asked him, tears streaming down her face.

"Nothing," He assured her, rubbing small circles on her back, "you did nothing wrong, Kahlan…These things happen sometimes." Kahlan shook her head.

"But why me, why this?! Haven't I had my own fair share of problems?!" She sobbed again, holding her head in her hands. _Never again_, she thought, _I'm never having another child. I won't lose another baby._

"You need to rest child." Zedd told her, placing a hand on her knee. Kahlan nodded. Richard kissed her forehead and left the room with Cara, Zedd, and her stillborn child. Kahlan closed her eyes and fell into a restless sleep.

**Richard**

_This is a nightmare, _he thought, sitting outside Kahlan's room, _I'm making this up._ He heard footsteps approaching; he looked up to see Cara standing over him with a tray of food.

"Nicci told me to bring Kahlan some food." Cara informed him, "Is she up?" Richard leaned around to peer into the open door. He saw Kahlan curled into a ball in a seemingly restless slumber.

"No," Richard wanted desperately to be able to comfort her but he just couldn't. "Should I wake her?"

"I'm not sure exactly?" Cara said, shifting from one foot to the other.

"I think that would be okay." Nicci said suddenly coming up behind Cara, "It doesn't look like she's getting much rest anyway." Richard hopped to his feet and walked into Kahlan's room.

**Zedd**

_He could only imagine what Kahlan; was going through. To lose a child like that with no warning…_ A sudden voice brought Zedd from his thoughts.

"She's up and eating," Richard said, walking into the meeting hall, "we haven't gotten her to talk yet, but Nicci said it would be 'all in good time'." Richard sighed, "I wish I could do something Zedd."

"I know, my boy. But sadly there isn't much we can do, but let Kahlan rest and be there for her." Zedd attempts to cheer Richard up were met with a small smile.

"Cara's with her now and Nicci said she'll stop by to see her again later." Richard informed his grandfather. Zedd nodded.

"I will go sit with her for a while and let Cara…be Cara." With that Zedd left the room wondering how much harder this would be if the child had been Richard's.

**Cara**

"Kahlan," Cara struggled to find the right words, "you'll get another chance, next time everything will work out." Kahlan only shook her head. "Don't give up hope. Richard will give you another chance," Kahlan shook her head furiously; "he'll give you a child." Kahlan shook her head harder and began to sob again.

"Cara, enough," Nicci's voice came from behind her, "let her rest." Cara got up and followed Nicci out of the room.

"Nicci, I don't think Kahlan is going to have another baby." Nicci opened her mouth to respond but Zedd came up next to her and asked for her.

"What do you mean?"

"When I mentioned having another child," Cara explained, "she shook her head, so I told her that it would be with Richard and she just broke down, crying and shaking her head."

"I'll talk with her about it tomorrow," Zedd told them, "she probably just needs some time." _She really hoped he was right._

**Nicci**

Nicci was really worried for her friend. _It had taken Kahlan a while to warm up to her but once she did they had become quick friends; seeing her in this much pain was hard._

Kahlan groaned and rolled over in her sleep. Richard declared that Kahlan was never to be left alone. Nicci; Zedd having gone to bed long before; volunteered to take the night watch. A quiet voice brought her from her thoughts.

"Kill me," Kahlan mumbled in her sleep, "before I do…" Nicci gasped softly and the dream Kahlan was having. "Richard please…" she mumbled, "end the pain…" Not knowing what else to do Nicci gently tried to shake Kahlan awake.

"Kahlan, wake up…you're talking in your sleep, wake up." Kahlan instead rolled over and sighed. Nicci slumped back in her chair, resolving to talk to Richard, Cara, and Zedd in the morning.

**Kahlan**

_After last night's dream, she knew how to end the pain._

**Richard**

"She said what?" Richard shouted wanting Nicci to clarify.

**Kahlan**

_Drawing back the covers she took a shaky breath._

**Zedd**

"There is a chance that it was just a dream," Zedd tried to calm his grandson, "just an ordinary, nothing-to-freak-out-about, dream.

**Kahlan**

_She took another slow step towards her knife, lying on the table._

**Cara**

"And what if it isn't?" Cara countered, getting anxious.

**Kahlan**

_Reaching the table, Kahlan grasped her knife with trembling fingers._

**Nicci**

Suddenly realizing something Nicci asked the others, "Who's watching Kahlan?"

**Kahlan**

_A tear runs down her cheek as she positioned the knife in front of her heart._

**Richard**

Panic seized Richard's heart, "KAHLAN!" He screamed, running out of the room, the others on his heels.

**Kahlan**

_Whispering a small goodbye she quickly pushed the knife into her heart, pulling it out only when she started losing feeling in her lower body._

**Zedd**

"Who was supposed to be with her?" Zedd questioned as they sprinted down the hall toward Kahlan's suite.

**Kahlan**

_She collapsed to her knees as Richard burst into the suite._

**Cara**

"No!" Cara ran to her friend, who was on her knees, holding a bloody knife in hand.

**Kahlan**

_Cara and Richard were at her side, "I love you," she whispered breathlessly, the first words she'd spoken since she had lost her child._

**Nicci**

"Richard was supposed to watch her," Nicci whispered softly to Zedd.

_**They all watched, crying as Kahlan took her last breath; Cara unable to give her the breath of life. Richard closed her eyes, and they all silently left the room, all wondering how they were going to live on without Kahlan…without their linchpin*…**_

***Linchpin-the person that the group or activity revolves around; the center**


End file.
